I honestly never thought it would happen… and then it did.
My little sister called me… and told me she had two positive pregnancy tests.
So many thoughts are racing through my mind at this moment. I never thought my younger sister would call me and say those words… At first, I screamed. I asked her what the hell she was thinking. I begged for answers. I wanted to know who did it. I wanted her to use her brain.
Another part of me remembered when I was her age, and I sat my mother in the bathroom, crying because I thought I was pregnant. I didn’t have the positive pregnancy tests though. Fear was in my mind. It was the most horrifying experience of my life.
My sister burst into tears, telling me she was so scared. She told me my mom has gotten out of control. I know I’ll never meet my niece or nephew, but part of me is ok with this. I remember my mom telling me I couldn’t take care of myself, let alone another life. People already say horrible things about my sister, and
none some of them are true, but no one will ever know the real story. I fear so much for her, that anger can’t be in the front of my mind.
I know now how much my sister and I really do get along. As angry as I was, she called me first and told me, aside from the boy who had gotten her pregnant. I wondered if we were even close enough to be acquaintances, let alone sisters. I’m still terrified, but I know how much more I want to be there for her. I want her to learn from my mistakes. I don’t want her to suffer like I did. It also makes me rethink how I’ll be as a parent.
I missed venting like this. Maybe I’m crazy for sharing these experiences, but of all the things I’ve felt and seen, I’m thankful I have these posts to reflect on. I just hope to God that my kids will not go through what I did… I hope I can save them from this pain. I’m just praying…